how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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