Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
