p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
