Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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