Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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