i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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