what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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