If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
