I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
