someone threw a dead crab at me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
