I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
