When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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