His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
