dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
