No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Do vagina's smell?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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