oh god the rape fog is back!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
