Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
