I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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