she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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