I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
