I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
