I can tuck mytits in my pants
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
