i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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