Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
