It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
