Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
