She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
