Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
