....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
