I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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