i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
