I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You pole danced in your parka.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
