having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
