i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
