He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
