I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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