sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
