meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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