Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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