matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
