I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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