I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
