Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
