Soap is not a condiment
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
