At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My butt remains clenched, sir.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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