how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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