from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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