The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Nicole vs. Life
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
