She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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