my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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