you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
