I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
