I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
