I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
