I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Houston, we have a squirter
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
