Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
