when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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