i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I am available for nakedness
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
