I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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