My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
