My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
